persuasive writing why we should fix are field

We have been having a go at writing a piece of persuasive writing.Here is my writing about why we should fix are field.

Title A Short Statement about the topic. eg. ‘Rugby League Is A Great Sport’	Fix Our whīra
Overview/ Statement of position A brief statement of your view about the topic.  What you believe or want to argue.	I think We need to fix are whīra ! because we need it to train play and use it for events and also balls keep going over the fence
Series of Arguments Reasons Your points supporting your view about the topic.  Your arguments to support your statement and information to support these arguments. Remember -argument -supporting detail, reasons, examples	firstly children need to have fresh air run around and play. the whīra  is a big part of our play area. we have to use the whīra  to sport events sats as cross country, athletics and soccer. we need more space.
	Secondly we need the whīra  for special events such as the gala,the hangi and the matariki nihts. we need this so the school can raise money and families can came along and have a pai time.
	Thirdly we have already dug out the pighps (pipes) to just leaf all that dirt their would just be a waste of money we can’t have that aria blocked off forever.
	Further more kids keep accidentally throwing balls over such as netball,basketball,hockey balls and soccer balls. So teachers have to waste their time getting them.
	As well as with all the kids on the court it increases the chants of ingres (injuries). the year waru are a lot tougher than the year tahi.
	finally, a whīra  won’t just be pai for the students it will be pai for the staff. There is a benefit for all of as.
Concluding statement Summing it up.  A summary of your arguments and your view on the topic.	In conclusion we need to fix our whīra  because we need the whīra  for speci avits.To train.rain around and to stop ingress. For this reasons it is mandatory that we ficks are whīra .