Monday 5 November 2018

Abandoned Places

At the the moment in class we have been on descriptive writing. We have been using pictures to give as ideas of what to write about here is the peace of writing I did 

Click here for the link to the original work;https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Rda0vS55Se3CyYcaOwT5wJ57qk-Zagt5-AhtNQI2oGk/edit









I run as fast as I could trying to lose him but every corner I took he seemed to be right behind me. “I’m going to get you”,boomed cain in a sly voice, “you can’t run forever” I sprinted ahead. It felt like i had been going for hours. Then I stopped and I lessind I couldn’t believe it I had lost him.


I opened my mouth and started to pant. A whiff of stale air came in it felt like I was swallowing a five hundred year old brick. Then I noticed the walls I had never gotten the chance to look at them when I was running. But the artwork was exes wiset with brush strokes telling stores that happened millions of years ago! I leaned against the wall to get a closer look but the dust was five inches thick. Then it hit me the worst smell amenable. When was the last time they emptied the chamber pots in this place thought and were are all the people?

Just then I saw a hasy golden light coming from one off the rooms  I blinked and looked again but it was gone. I walked into the room and had a look around but there was nothing in it. Just then the paewae (door) slammed behind me and locked and smoke started to full the room. Pitchers formed in the smoke it was this building but about 30 years ago everyone was happy and peaceful then a dark cloud pulled over the town and everyone disappeared apored from one person a little boy now older than 7 the strange thing was he looked a lot like cain.

2 comments:

  1. Hello Brighid I liked how you used paragraphs in your writing and how you used good descriptive language. Also I liked how you used maori words.

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  2. Hi Brighid
    I love your writing, especially the rhetorical question about emptying the chamber pots. I think that if I swallowed a 500 year old brick, I would feel very, absolutely, exceptionally ill!

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Thank you for your positive, thoughtful, helpful comment.